How to Know you are Avoidant
Noticing avoidant behavior in yourself can be tough because it often shows up as rationalized decisions—like "I'm just busy," or "It's not the right time." But if you're willing to be honest with yourself, here are some key signs that you may be being emotionally avoidant (especially in relationships, but this can apply more broadly too):
🧠 Thought Patterns
You downplay your own needs or emotions to avoid vulnerability.
You convince yourself you don’t care, even when you do.
You often think things like:
“I don’t need anyone.”
“Relationships always end badly anyway.”
“It’s safer not to get too close.”
💬 Communication Habits
You deflect serious conversations or change the subject when emotions come up.
You ghost or pull away from people instead of expressing disinterest or discomfort.
You respond late or vaguely, especially when someone reaches out emotionally.
🏃 Behavioral Patterns
You feel suffocated or irritated when someone gets too close or emotionally expressive.
You prefer short-term flings or highly independent relationships.
You avoid conflict to the point where issues never get addressed—they just fade away.
😶 Emotional Avoidance
You shut down emotionally under stress or during intimacy.
You avoid self-reflection or distract yourself with work, hobbies, or screens.
You rarely allow others to see your emotional side—even close friends or partners.
A Quick Self-Check:
Ask yourself:
Do I leave before I can be left?
Do I feel uncomfortable when someone depends on me emotionally?
Do I equate emotional intimacy with a loss of independence or control?
If several of these resonate consistently, you're likely exhibiting avoidant tendencies.
What You Can Do About It
Notice your patterns without judging yourself. Awareness is the first step.
Journal or reflect when you feel the urge to pull away: What triggered that feeling?
Practice tolerating vulnerability in small, low-stakes moments (e.g., sharing a personal story, asking for help).